I had reached my breaking point. Sitting in the pouring rain with a face full of tears, I cried out to the heavens, “What do you want from me?!” My greatest nightmare was staring back at me. I had attempted everything in my power to prevent it from happening, but its grip seemed much stronger than any logical explanation. Was I really facing homelessness? Again?! How could this be?
This was an ongoing pattern of two steps forward and three steps back. I was tired, literally depleted, beyond discouraged, and on the verge of giving up. My experience had been an uphill battle my entire life, and with no human around for me to turn to, I was left to figure out how to break the horrific cycles that plagued my family’s lineage.
I had so many questions during this season in my life. Like, why me? Why did life seem easier for others to get ahead, but nearly impossible for me?! I was used to giving others their “flowers,” intentional about walking in integrity; I kept my heart in a good place—not to mention, my motives were clean. So why couldn’t I catch a break?! All my life I had been labeled the “strong one” who considered it an honor to genuinely give. Yet my truth revealed that although I made myself available to help others in their times of need, when I travelled through my lowest valleys I had no one in my corner I could turn to.
As first-generation, there was no blueprint, no example or “how-to” even remotely close or capable of showing me the way. But there was this one thing. One main ingredient I’d learned during my childhood which proved to be the only ingredient I needed to change the trajectory of my entire life: faith. I firmly believed that I did not have to become a prisoner of my past, and that there was greater purpose beyond my pain.
In lieu of giving up, I chose to believe, pray, and trust. I chose to wait. I chose to stay. A still, small voice spoke to my heart, “Don’t give up. There is a brighter day.” At that moment, I had a decision to make. And although fear intruded upon my senses with the intention of keeping me stagnant, I knew I had to exercise faith beyond fear in hopes of seeing what was on the other side of the mess I was facing. I learned something very valuable during that season in my life: Fear can be compelling, but faith is much fiercer!
Fast forward a decade and a half later, and I am so grateful I did not give up! At that time, I was literally months away from a fresh start in a new state where all my breakthroughs awaited—in love, motherhood, marriage, business, etc. I could not see all that in my darkest moments, but faith was the substance needed to sustain me until I reached the other side. I am now founder and executive director of a successful nonprofit youth organization which assists underserved and homeless youth and families. I am in awe every moment that I am entrusted to help someone else in their time of need. Looking back at that moment over fifteen years ago, I realize I had to break in order to experience my breakthrough.
You see, that moment was never my final chapter, nor were circumstances placed there to ultimately defeat me. I’ve learned—and am still learning—that bad things do happen to good people, but it does not have to stay that way. Many of us have been given circumstances and situations we did not choose, and although we cannot change the past nor what was handed down, changing what the future holds is our greatest responsibility.
A broken beginning can have a beautiful ending. Just as we all experience nature’s seasons, the seasons of our lives also change. It may not always make sense, and there will be times when we question our existence because life is “unclear”, but please take it from me, you will win if you don’t quit! There is a way that guarantees you will make it to the other side much stronger, wiser, and better than ever—if you choose to exercise your faith beyond fear.Leave a Comment