In the record “Blick Blick” by Nicki Minaj featuring Coi Leray, Nicki has this line, “Step one: cross me/ there won’t be a step two.” Seems like a simple bar, right? Yes, the beat was hard, and yes, Nicki’s flow was crazy. But that line?! It was a ghetto gospel for me. We are not doing second chances after disrespect anymore. Period. Those days are long gone, and there will be consequences for your actions when you try me. Yaassss and thank you to Nicki Minaj! is what I thought at the time. If you’ve been through some things (some real stuff), you have no choice but to feel that bar. Basically, if you stab me in the back once, you will not get the chance to do it again. I was moved by the power, the motivation behind it.
If you log into Facebook right now, I can almost bet my last dime that somebody is ranting about how they are cutting everybody off because people are fakes and phonies. If you don’t come correct the first time, you are subjected to the block button—and not just online but in real life. People aren’t even waiting for the New Year anymore to say “new me.” I read an IG story post this morning talking about, ‘If I cut you off, you handed me the scissors. Therefore, snip-snip.’ This no-nonsense behavior, this cut-off culture is revolutionary. But even through this empowering revolution, I have second thoughts about this narrative.
We will not be able to maintain any relationships by cutting people off soon as they make one mistake. I remember one time my close friend threw an entire event and purposely did not invite me. I was ready to terminate our friendship on the spot. When we spoke about the incident, she told me the reason she did not invite me was because she did not think I would want to come. Now, for me, that was no excuse, but I believed her genuine apology and we were able to move on.
Talking to her about the issue made me realize I didn’t want to lose my close friend and wash our memories down the drain just like that. She may have done something I thought was wrong, but I was also able to reminisce about all that she’s done right. So, I gave grace, forgave her, and we continue to be close friends. Some people may feel like I should’ve cut her off—like the behavior was a red flag and here I was painting it pink. I feel y’all, but I’m just not wired to grab those scissors and snip-snip without hesitation.
Now do not get me wrong, if anybody understands drawing a line in the sand, it would be me. I am extremely sick and tired of low-vibrational experiences, and I will not allow my frequency to be diminished. We have control over what we do and don’t allow into our spaces. We have the power to help people understand that it’s a privilege and a blessing to know us. However, I have come to believe there needs to be a balance between “I’m showing grace to you” and “do not play with me.”
My love, my loyalty, my willingness to forgive and to understand—to work with and to see things through—have been bittersweet. I have won because of these principles, but I have also taken some heavy losses for those same codes of conduct.
But nobody is perfect. We all have flaws in some way, shape, or form, and unfortunately not all flaws—even the ones we’ve worked through—go away overnight. I am so glad I have been given grace and compassion by my family and friends when it comes to my shortcomings, and I am glad God gives me grace when I’m falling short. What I have found to be true is through love many people will give you a second chance. They will give you time to apologize and right your wrongs. I am extremely grateful for that.
We all know the saying, treat others the way you want to be treated. Well, I’ve decided to keep showing compassion and grace because that is how I would like to be handled. Be clear: you should not let people play with you, but sometimes grace is worth it. So, nine times out of ten, I am giving that second chance—especially to the people I love.
Have you extended grace instead of writing someone off—has it been extended to you?
Robbin Fuller says
I continue daily to extend grace daily when I am unsure if its what I should be doing. I choose to love than to loose. Some mistakes were made years ago by family members that have eaten away at the fabric of our family and have spread beyond repair and we are all trapped in its darkness. Sincere words of apologies have been extended but not believed. I believe in second chances. I believe to live by grace and forgiveness is the only way to actually live life to its end and be happy.
Amen! You are sowing great seeds so your harvest will be great as well
I enjoyed reading your commentary because it is exactly how I feel. What is going on now, I feel is a manipulation tactic by someone to get people to act the way they want them too without them giving anything in return. People are cutting others off, but what minor things have they done? What little flaw do they have in their personality? Do they want people to cut them off? Their name may be on several people’s cut off list.
Yessss Manipulation and Gaslighting is at an all time high. We must use discernment.
Theresa Neal says
I agree wholeheartedly & you were spot on!!
Yes it’s so hard to distinguish who to cut off and who to extend grace. Put your boundaries up, but also forgiveness is key.
Kofi Dadson says
Love this Shy! It’s very easy to cut people off. True maturity is atleast trying to communicate with that person and seeing if you all could come to a level ground of forgiveness. Keep writing!
Facts! And I appreciate it.
Natasha St.Bernard says
I feel boundaries should be set in place from the beginning of any relationship and let it be known. This is what I’ll except and this is what I won’t and stand on it so when it’s time to be cut ppl off it’s not a major thing/surprise to anyone because they knew. You can forgive someone without having them in your space. Forgiveness comes from within so as long as I know I forgive you I could care less about your feeling cause IM at peace now go on and learn to act right.
Amen my sister! Set those boundaries and stand on them 10 toes.
April Wilson Jones says
What a great article. I find it funny that people expect you to extend grace, BUT the moment you have a transgression against them, they want to cut you off, and without explanation. Such is my experience. I am one to give several chances to only be cut off without being given the same courtesy. I have always, always extended grace and forgiveness for it is my nature, however, when I make a mistake, it is the end of life as we know it. I used to chase friendships. I used to lose sleep if I knew I hurt someone’s feelings, especially unintentionally. But now? Sorry for your loss. I’m older. I’m wiser. I know who I am as a person and as a friend. I know what I bring to the table. I no longer need anyone to validate what God has already validated within me. I am attuned to my own worth and I am my own best friend.
Some people can’t be redeemed. If they try to belittle or are always pointing out your shortcomings, they don’t value the person that you are. So are you going to be a whipping boy for their ego and pleasure. I think it isn’t worth you time and interest. Bye Gurl.
Bobby Woolfolk says
Wow! This hit home! So many people are quick to write someone off because of a situation instead of go to them and communicate the issue face to face. It’s harder to deal with issues so folks tend to find it easier to just not speak on it and not speak to you ever again. It is ever so important in my eyes that anytime anyone has an issue to communicate and heal that issue whether you heal it meaning you talked about the situation and the relationship has ended on good terms or you healed it meaning you talked about the issue and are moving forward in your relationship. Communication is key and it’s lacking in this generation in my opinion.
The article was fire! The only thing about cutting someone off is that sometimes they do come back as if it never happened at all. This is what I like to call “Selective Amnesia”. A lot of people forget the reason(s) why they were cut off in the first place. This is when a friendly reminder always wins. Lol, people will always be people. Extended grace is wonderful when it’s deserved.
Lakia Holden says
Grace is so easily expected but hard to give I was once told. I found that hard to believe. How can you expect something but not give it as easily as you take it? When we think of all the grace and mercy we receive daily without even deserving, it should be given without question.
Soo many people lack communication skills and empathy and here is where the cut off culture is birthed. Hopefully it doesn’t take for one to have to experience life on the short end of the stick to humbles one’s self.
What an awesome and inspirational read!
Hey Lady Hornet,
I have been granted grace so many times, even when I did not deserve it. That compassion that has been modeled to me by my employers, elders, peers and friends has been passed on to many others. I work at a school and my principal was doing a pd on clarifying expectations on discipline and school culture. She pointed out that many of us have come to her with needs and wants and she came to a resolution based on how she would want to be treated. The grace you may seek one day, is the grace you need to extend today. A few weeks later I had made a significant mistake, and she sat there, listened and extended me grace. No write up, big meeting or anything. Later on that same day it clicked that she was modeling and doing exactly what she wanted us to do for our students. While I do believe I am good at restorative practices with my students I take extra time to make sure there is grace in my response. This concept applies to my personal life. While I might say I am the queen of the cutoff, I extend grace up untill a point, then you will get that snip, snip but it takes a lot so if you have been cut off by me, then well…
-Side Bar: Good Job
Dee Price says
Beautifully written and love all the comments because it’s true. We all fall short to grace of God therefore we should walk in love and forgiveness. We should show grace to others just like Christ has given us.
Thank you for your inspirational words
Dee Price says
I just want to say, if people abuse your friendship and are not healthy but toxic. You forgive them but love them from a distance. God never wants us to be abuse or used.
Thank you for your inspirational words
I love your work. Such a beautiful mind 💙💜.