The recent passing of a dear friend has had me in a frenzy. We never know when our beautiful souls will transcend into another life, and when those we cherish with every part of our being pass—even if quite some time has passed since you’ve spoken to them—it still hurts. Every piece of me has cycled through every stage of emotion: denial, acceptance, hurt, anger, sadness…regret.
When I learned about my friend’s passing, I just couldn’t face the reality that she was gone. It was a slow morning. I had stayed up pretty late the past few nights, and I was taking full advantage of sleeping in (such mornings have become a rarity, and I was basking in the peacefulness of it all). I finally crawled out of bed and was preparing for the day’s errands when I opened Instagram. I was enjoying everyone’s reels and celebratory posts of Juneteenth when I came across the post I’d never expected and that nothing could prepare me for.
The second I saw her beautiful face appear in a memorial post from another friend, my heart skipped a beat. I’d seen many of these posts throughout the year, but this felt much more personal. Memories of her laughter and smile flooded my mind; I remembered the encouraging messages she’d send when I had crossed a milestone. She was always there… And now? She was gone. No more. Tears and screams poured out of me and into the room; they were washing over me like a flood and I felt like I couldn’t breathe.
The only thing I could do was call the man who is closest to my heart, my daddy. It had already been an emotionally taxing weekend before I found out, so I was so appreciative to have his support and listening ear. He noticed the sadness in my voice the minute I said his name, and immediately the tears began to flow as I told him the news. I know his heart hurt for me, especially because he was miles away and couldn’t comfort me like I know he would have liked. Since moving out and living on my own, it’s days like this—when I am hurting and broken—that I feel the loneliness of adulthood.
I was feeling so much regret and anger. My friend and I hadn’t talked in a while and I just kept thinking, Maybe if I would have spoken to her sooner…Maybe if I wouldn’t have let weeks go by without speaking to her…But the thing is, I couldn’t and can’t harbor “what-ifs” and hypotheticals that may or may not have changed what happened. I couldn’t allow my mind to wander with these thoughts or for my clouded judgment to lead me down a dark hole of more hurt, blame, and regret.
Thankfully, my father reminded me of a few things: Yes, she is no longer here, and yes, I will always miss her. But I can’t allow myself to get swallowed up in what could be or might have been because these are questions I can’t get answers to. Instead, I should live to be the person she always knew I could be and remember the person she was and forever will be.
I have to find comfort in understanding that everyone’s timing is different and that God brings everyone on this earth for a purpose. Once that purpose has been fulfilled, He brings them home—even if the timing for some may seem short to us. So while we are living on this earth, let us forgive those around us without expectations beyond our own peace. Because unforgiveness of the self and others breeds bitterness, and that bitterness may just keep us from living out our true purpose for ourselves and others.
I believe my friend fulfilled her purpose of being one of my beautiful protectors and one of the best friends a girl could ever ask for. She had a bright spirit and a kind soul. She was a friend to me when no one else was. She was my encourager. Even as we grew older with our own different lives, she was always in my corner.
I am forever grateful for the time we shared together. She will forever be my guardian angel.
I love you B.
Diana Ashurst says
I lost my best friend of 70 years in Jan. 2021 and I was devastated! So I know how you feel Zariah. God bless you and keep you.❤️🙏🏽
Barbara Ann Fields says
How blessed you were to have such a friend and even to have a father who could comfort you in your time of grief. You are still blessed because you have memories of your friend I know that one day you will see them again be comforters be blessed and live on…..
Seletha Tucker says
This was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing. It hit home in a lot of areas.
Just what I needed to hear during this time of bereavement. I just lost a true friend a dear sister in Christ. I will forever remember these words. Life is too short to hold bitterness and too sweet to not hold your loved ones closer.
Cynthia D. Banks says
I have a dry lump in my throat.
My condolences on the loss of your friend, even as I pray for beautiful memories of B to abound in your life.
you endure even as you go through the grief, without, I pray, any regrets.
May your heart find solace, my sister, in the shared friendship you both were blessed to experience.
Praying for you, Zariah.🌹
Thank you Zariah for giving words, and many tears of release, for the many varied feelings I have still for the passing of My Forever Encourager Migdalia! ‘Dayi’ It’s been over 3 years and I miss you still and know you will be forever in my heart. Thank you! 💜😘!
Brenda Jubilee says
Thank you for sharing the loss of your beautiful friend, sounds like you had a special friendship that always will be cherished.
Deidre Price says
Thank you so much for “My Guardian Angel” it truly was food for my soul. I just recently had three losses within a week. Your words reminded me to remember how blessed I was to have these Guadrian Angels in my life and always will cherish their memories in my heart.
There was such a warmth in reading this 🙏.
In the passing of both of my parents (Mom, August 2021) and Dad (August 2022), I am slowly leaning each day to focus on the many fond loving memories. It was not always an easy journey with my Dad as his dementia took over the Dad I knew.
I have learned everyone grieves differently and on their own time line!
I miss you and love you Mom and Dad💕
Victoria G. Nunnally, BSN, MSN, RN-BC says
Thank you for sharing this raw side of you. It is through this sharing that you will bless so many others who are or have experienced the passing of a dear loved one. I know it has touched and encouraged me.