About the Author

Raya Reaves is the Founder and Finance Coach of City Girl Savings, LLC. She teaches women how to create and stick to realistic budget plans to reach their financial goals. Raya resides in Austin, Texas, with her boyfriend and two Yorkie dogs.

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  1. I am very much so haunted by a 39 year old marriage that he just walked away from, no explanation, other than “I need to find myself.” He “found himself” in the arms of a younger woman that he already had! I often wonder what would have happened if he would have just talked to ME and a counselor instead of others, and we searched for him together. Oh well!

    • Wow, I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone or having that be done to me. I think it just reminds us that we can never control any person or scenario/outcome 100%. Things that are out of our control can only be handled accordingly as they come. I’m sorry that happened to you, and I hope that you find peace (if you haven’t already).

  2. My previous marriage was like this: he woke up one morning and was like, “I don’t want to be married anymore.” Sometimes I want to ask him what happened because I like to things to be neatly closed up and other times, I thank God for the grace of my ex’s exit. Thank you for sharing!

  3. I have made peace with my ghost. Even though sometimes I do think about the what ifs. I’m grateful for the time shared and the lessons learned through the experience.

  4. Raya, thank you for sharing some of your valuable relationship real estate with us.

    I think that many of us have experienced a “what if” moment from our past relationships.

    I know I certainly have.

    For those who haven’t, my suggestion, just keep livin’ Boo.

    By the way I’m glad you kept livin’ and that you and your Boo are “happy in your current relationship.”

    You didn’t allow the specter from your past to prevent you from experiencing current joy with this special person in your present.

    For that I say kudos to you, Raya!

    Your story fostered a hope in me that we no longer allow ourselves to be plagued by ghosts from our past who mean us no good.

    They are merely squatters.

    If they don’t have our best interests at heart then they have no right to take up permanent residence in the valuable real estate of our hearts and minds.

    Eviction notice served.

    Yep.

    That part.

  5. HI RAYA
    IDK IF ITS AN OLD GHOST BUT I WAS MARRIED TO SOMEONE I THOUGHT WAS MY SOULMATE 15YRS AND WE HAD 2 BOYS
    YET HE CHEATED WHEN HE COULD THEN WHEN I GOT FED UP AND FILED FOR DIVORCE,HE WAS SHOCKED BUT EVERYTHING HE DISLIKED ABOUT ME HE MARRIED IN ANOTHER WOMAN HE HAD BEEN SEEING.I DON’T HAVE FEELINGS
    BUT THE QUESTION OF WHY WOULD YOU MARRY SOMEONE WITH SIMILAR BEHAVIORS THAT YOU DISLIKED IN ME AND I STOPPED TO TRY AND MAKE IT WORK FOR OUR FAMILY. IJS I’M GLAD YOUR IN A GOOD PLACE WITH YOUR RELATIONSHIP.
    BUT I DID FIND SOMEONE WHO ACCEPTED ME FOR ME AS WELL AS MY FAMILY WE’VE BEEN TOGETHER FOR 20 +YRS AND ALTHOUGH WE HAVE OUR UPS AND DOWNS I WOULDN’T CHANGE A THING

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